Who Are You?
A weekly reflection for coaches navigating the human side of performance.
Principle: Inside Out Development
Oftentimes as coaches, we are focused so much on the development of our culture, staff and players, that we forget our own development.
But we can’t. We need to do the critical, difficult work of defining who we are, what our personal mission statement is, what our values are, what our coaching philosophy is etc. And these can’t just be words, these have to come from deep exploration and be the guiding principles that inform everything from talent identification and roster building, to your team’s culture, to how you are going to train and practice.
Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, calls this the “Inside-Out” approach. This approach is about starting with personal growth with your inner self—your character, motives, and paradigms (beliefs/worldview)—before trying to change external behaviors or manage relationships, recognizing that lasting effectiveness (public victory) comes from internal change (private victory). Inside-Out emphasizes character ethic over personality ethic, meaning integrity and principles must be developed before external social skills, preventing manipulation and ensuring genuine success.
The best coaches have a clear understanding of themselves, why they coach and what they stand for. Self-awareness is THE cornerstone of any successful coach.
Perspective: You Are the System
When the coach’s inner work is neglected, it doesn’t just create personal stress, it becomes the operational instability of the entire team, manifesting clearly in areas like communication, values enforcement, decision-making, and feedback quality.
When a coach hasn’t dedicated time and effort to their own inner work around their self-awareness, emotional regulation, and personal development, the repercussions are immediately felt throughout the team, creating pervasive friction and instability.
Friction and Instability:
The Team Feels the Friction: This internal struggle manifests externally as inconsistency and tension. The coach’s unresolved issues become the team’s burden, leading to miscommunication, distrust, and a general feeling of unease in the environment.
Values Become Loose: Without a deeply rooted personal philosophy guiding the coach, the team’s stated values become mere platitudes. They lack genuine commitment and enforcement. When pressure mounts, these “loose” values are easily compromised, leading to a fragmented team identity and erosion of standards.
Decisions Wobble: A lack of inner clarity results in hesitant, inconsistent, or emotionally driven decision-making. The team perceives the coach as unreliable or unpredictable. This undermines authority and forces players to constantly second-guess directives, slowing down adaptation and execution.
Feedback Loses Its Edge: Feedback, which should be a precise tool for growth, becomes muddled or ineffective. The coach may either avoid difficult conversations out of fear or deliver feedback laced with personal frustration or projection. In either case, the message lacks the necessary objectivity, honesty, and constructive intent required for meaningful improvement. The players become defensive or dismissive.
Story: Steve Kerr — Coaching From Self-Awareness
Steve Kerr exemplifies a modern coach whose clearly articulated philosophy is consistently reflected in his behavior.
Upon joining the Golden State Warriors, Kerr openly promoted a coaching belief centered on joy, freedom, creativity, trust, and empowering players over rigid, fear-based control.
His commitment is demonstrated through his actions:
He shifted the offense from isolation plays to a read-and-react, shared-responsibility system, mirroring his trust in collective intelligence.
He fostered psychological safety by encouraging players to coach and challenge ideas.
He publicly admitted mistakes and learning moments.
He defended the core value of playing ‘with joy’ and consistently allowed players autonomy even when outside pressure mounted.
Crucially, Kerr prioritized his philosophical commitment over the role itself. He spoke openly about his struggles with pain and mental health, including stepping away from the team when he couldn’t fully lead. This decision underscored his belief that how he showed up was more important than simply holding the title.
Question:
Can you clearly articulate any of the following:
Your personal mission statement?
Your coaching philosophy?
Your values (the guiding principles that dictate your actions and non-negotiables)?
Do you know yourself?
Closing Thought:
Whether you are in the middle of the season or looking for your next role, now is the time to do the work on yourself. If the answers aren’t immediate and clear, dedicate the next 60 minutes to journaling on one of these areas. Your players, colleagues and future self will thank you for it.
Until next week,
Caleb Cousens